Will you blow on my dice?
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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