My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Randomize
