Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Randomize
