very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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