Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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