I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
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