i permit you to call me
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
