I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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