So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
