bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
