Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
