I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
