did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
