I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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