I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
