6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
