isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
