I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
