Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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