Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
When are your genitals available?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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