Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
