is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
