she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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