Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
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