New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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