i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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