After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
