Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
