you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
