I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
