I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
