My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
