I puked a lego.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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