We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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