Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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