im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
