do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
And the cops told us we were all naked.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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