I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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