The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
