Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
