bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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