god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Two words: blizzard sex
Randomize
