Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
as a side note pls kill me
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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