totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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