she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
