Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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