Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
