Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
