Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
