Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
