NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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