a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
