if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Randomize
