Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
