I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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