wrigley field is MILF paradise
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
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