i barfeds in our rink
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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