now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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