I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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