What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
