So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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