found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
