There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
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