then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
