no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
