found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
