WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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