This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Text me some of your sweat
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
