At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
