I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize