Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
now i know why i became what i already was.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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