There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize